the beginning

Have you ever been led to do something that you really can't explain? Call it divine urges, inclinations or haunting ideas. For whatever reason, I've decided to at least start down a path, hear out these voices.

I've read some great books and learned fabulous lessons in my life. Thing is, my mind is in shambles. I can't remember anything anymore. I'm in a mental hangover, a fog. I venture to say that the whole "well rounded student" idea really does have some merit afterall. Because now that I've started a career and only focus on one area of "study", the other parts of my brain have become flabby. A very subtle numbness has overtaken me. I need to start something new. So why not a blog?

You see, I don't really like to write. Actually, I don't like to read either. But I'll blame that one on my childhood fear of the God foresaken concrete hulk (library) and the underemphasis of books in my home. However, I do like to study or at least, I did like to study. So as I force myself to do two things I dislike, I hope some transformation happens.

I don't expect anyone to read this. I can barely write. I use to many commas and far too many "I"'s. My grammar sucks too. But this isn't about an audience. This is about transforming, becoming sharper, focusing. Focus on what? God. All day long. No matter what I'm doing, thinking about, saying, I want my whole being to be a magnifying glass directing a pin dot of light upon God. I've experienced glimpses of this goal. What a wonderful thing to be in constant communion with the Father. I want to feel that again, to feel the Lord alive in me, dominating my thoughts, directing my heart. O, what a desire.

So here I am, humbled and broken, listening to my whispers. May I find God's healing companionship.